The sorted mess 2.0

When she thought that her transition phase has ended, it actually began that day. From being a mess of chaos to a sorted and matured individual, and then again a sorted mess, this has been her journey so far.

Looking back to the days when she used to be a mess, her priorities were dreaming and her determination was making it all real. There was fresh air around her to breathe, good, innocent people to talk to and a box of hopes and expectations.

Growing up was hard on her. It shattered the dreams and killed all the hopes and expectations she had from herself and her life. She met reality at the ground level and her elevator denied going upwards, so she preferred to go by the stairs. The people around her had grown up, and at every level that she went to, the tragedy of dealing with people started. She started to understand life and after all the compromises she made, she became a sensible and mature girl for some, and a kid for many. It was the time she started believing in the atrocities of life and concluded that this is how it is. Her acceptance denied her future scopes and she became content with everything.

And she thought that the learning is over and she just has to remember the summary, she got admitted to a new course “The game has just begun”.  Her life took a reverse gear as it was time to unlearn what she had learnt. She got confused as what to keep and what to leave. In this process, she left people, hobbies and herself, and started building up a castle on their grave. She was a messy kid and a sorted adult at the same time, trying to figure out which trait should she let dominate her life.

With the chaos inside her mind, she figured out the gorgeousness of sufferings. It does wonders to your personality. It destroys your self-esteem, ruins your confidence, makes you whine and you feel like ending up your life. All you got to do is let it all pass. And the moment it passes, you come out of your shell and the world looks different. You start from zero and it’s a necessity to go back to zero at every phase in life. You are a different person now, with a different attitude and a different perception towards the world and its people.

She has killed herself so many times in these different phases of life and her current status is that she is a sorted mess.  Who is she? She is around you. Go find her and be a part of her journey. You may fall in love with her. Let her know that you love her and see how she transforms in the upcoming years. Let her sleep on your chest until she sleeps on the burning pyre.