Break

6th September 2015, 12:30 PM-

Library: probably the best place to be for a person like me, especially when he has so much to figure out about life and deal with his mid-life crisis at 25. The peaceful atmosphere allows you to think and I started analyzing the ups and downs of my life and how I need to sort my shit out in the first place. I am using this time for the cure of a disturbed mind and a damaged soul.

I have a long list of bad choices, bad decisions, choosing good ...people who weren’t good enough for me and dealing with all of this in a different manner every now and then. As last night, some girl told me that I lack focus and that’s why I leave everything in between and never complete a task that I once liked to do. For me, I am very much disturbed with my inner demons and I need to kill them all. May be, I am disturbed by myself, but I don’t feel like I can kill myself. I have never been suicidal, though I have this feeling quite a few times that I am done with this world.

Sitting near the window of the library, I see so many things and these non-living things are giving me the answer to my problems. I feel better in this library, where I’m all to myself. No conversations, no questions, no complaints, nothing. I know it won’t change my life in a day, but the 180 degree change in my thoughts have allowed me to understand that I can deal with all the shit in a better way. I have figured out that it’s not the people or the circumstances that are to be blamed or to be given a benefit of doubt. It’s me.

When I look at the issues in my life, there are probably none. But, I don’t find this answer convincing enough for myself. I have issues inside my head. I am troubling myself. I have not been able to stick to my point of interest and that’s my problem. I need to understand my things first. I need to follow it up with proper planning and execute it in the best possible way. I need to take one step at a time, but before taking any step towards anything, I’ll have to allow myself a break from life. I am going on a break and don’t feel bad if you don’t hear from me ever. I may choose to not talk to you ever again. You may be one of my problems. You may be one of my decisions.

I, hereby, allow myself a break from the society I belong to and I hope this time I stick to my decision and stay focused.